Gautam's Blog

Punned-It-Jee-Maharaj

2005-06-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

English sure is an amazing language. The variations possible due to words having more than one meaning, words with different meaning sounding similar etc. give an opportunity for abundant puns. Behind every word is a pun waiting to be cracked!! This, combined with vocabulary from other languages extends the possibility even further. I will be bringing to you some amazing examples in blogs henceforth. Lets start off with a set that I received over email:

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.

US Trip

2005-05-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

I managed to sneak in a three week vacation to the US. Here are some snaps with my KREC pals whom I managed to catch up with in the DC area.

http://photos.yahoo.com/pvgautam

Percy's Originals - Part I

2004-10-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

Decided that since my good friend Percy has been nice enough to include a link from his site to mine that I owe him and frequent visitors to his site this (at least :-)

First a story from Europe:
The woman said "NO"! and pushed him off the ledge of the 10th floor. But the bad, characterless man still lived. The Czech bounced.

'Owed' to Ian Fleming :-)
James bond was relaxing at the beach. Suddenly there was an earthquake..sabkuch uthal puthal ho gaya....bond was also a bit taken aback but he maintained his cool and sat tight. He was shaken, but didnt stir.

Moving on to a 'Pet'hetic one:
Q: What does a man turn into if he swallows an oyster?
A: A plastic bottle ('Pearl-Pet')

From Percy's tree-of-thoughts:
Tarzan wanted to swing from tree to tree, but the tree was already chock-a-bloc with monkeys. Q: What did the tree tell Tarzan?
A: Is root ki sabhi vine-e vyast hai!

And lastly one from down under that will cause a tongue-in-cheek situation ... literally :-)
Australia is a country with too much of land and too few people. Therefore the ppl there are far apart from each other. This creates, inter alia, agreat shortage of dentists. To solve this problem, professionals fromvarious fields got together and made tooth extraction possible without intervention of a dentist. It works like this:
In each town, there is installed the requisite hardware - dentist chair,injections, implements etc, a camera and a robotic arm. Similar equipments are kept at the dentist's place - which might be in another town. The dentist makes movements of these implements, and his movements are tracked and communicated via sattelite to the robotic arm, replicating the movements on the patient.
Now, since this technology hasnt reached the pinnacle ofperfection, extracting the tooth by replicating movements is a bit too complicated. So what they do instead is give the anesthetic, and stick a small charge of dynamite to the tooth which has to be extracted, with a miniature detonator. The dentist then detonates the charge remotely. The tooth is thus blasted off.
This technology of by which a tooth is removed by 2 machines talking to each other over distances is called "blewtooth".

Call-Taxi

2004-09-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

My daily routine (especially during the rainy season - cos thats the only season that I have spent in Bangalore after I got back from Mumbai) includes, apart from dealing with rain ( pouring 'cats and dogs'), hailing cabs!

'Cab'hi na, 'cab'hi haan - is the reply that I get when I call the one and only 'Spot Taxi' service for a ride home. It being the service with the most vehicles in Bangalore (around 200), someone while talking about its business, would say 'See Spot run'!

I look forward to getting inside the Maruti Omni, the call center of my life, cos I make the most calls from in there. I catch up with people that I know (read as: those whose numbers are on my cellphone :-). I, being mobile while in the taxi, speak with people on my mobile phone.

Thinking further, it seems that I have inherited the attributes of the mobile. It means (in Object Oriented terminology) that the mobile phone is a parent class and I am a child class inheriting from the former. I think this holds true in every case, irrespective of where one is. For proof, look around and 'spot' people speaking on their mobile phones - they will be, invariably, 'mobile'!

Taxis & mobiles - call either for 'hire' expenditure :-)

To blog or not to blog

2004-08-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

Gautam's (b)log *date= exampleofuseofwildcards

This is to see whether what I write in this space will logarithmically transform into a (b)log thus proving the theorem stated below:

Kahat Napier kaviray ki: Agar 'log'on ko aap express karne ka fareedom dedenge, tho aap ko milega - Blog! Engelis mein bole tho:

log (to the power to B (expressive)) = Blog